Okay. I've moved.
You want to hear a funny story? It's so stupid that I'm very embarrassed, but those are the best stories, right?
Well, the week before we moved S and I went for a bike ride into Red Hook to change our address, and also to stop at the bank. This Chase is hidden away on Summit Avenue, nestled behind the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel and next to the projects, and docking and loading for Red Hook. Not the most savory place. I sat on a bench in front of a basketball court while S went inside to deal with his bank. While there, I absorbed the view of the city, still marvelling that the towers were no longer there. I watched some sparrows hop about. Then, for some reason, I looked at the large London Plane tree right behind me. I looked down. At the base of the tree trunk there were a few rocks piled up. A black plastic bag handle stuck out, invitingly. I suddenly thought: Perhaps someone hid something of worth under this tree! I got up and inspected more closely. I pulled off the rocks. The little handle stuck out of the dirt.
Gentle reader, I implore, where did I think I was?? Treasure Island? I think not. Did I truly think money would be buried here of all places, right across the street from the fricking bank?!
Well, I began to dig using a rock. S came out of the bank as I was half way through the task, wondering what the hell I was doing, bent over behind the bench. Once he approached I explained how I expected to find money or drugs or both. Or a human ear, he said.
Finally the bag was free. I looked in to see damp fabric, a sheet, I gathered. You didn't look well enough, S said. So, prodded further, I opened the sad bag once again to find indeed, it was not just a sheet, no, but a sheet wrapped around a dead cat.
Jesus Christ.
I ran to my bicycle and tore off for home, my hands covered in dirt. Once home I scrubbed my hands clean. A few days later my fingers broke out in a bubbly rash that looks like athlete's foot. It's really gross.
That's what you get for thinking you are on Treasure Island when you are really in Red Hook, Brooklyn.